I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
Also can you rate on a scale of zero to jesus restraining order christ how creepy it is that he found a porn star that looks like me and has watched all the porn that she's been in
How many people slept in the bouncy castle last night?
4 guys, 1 girl. Pretty sure were gonna have to pay the cleaning fee
When he was fat he reminded me of my high school best friend and I just wanted to hug him and hug him. Also, he's funny and humor is the fastest way into my pants after Doctor Who and liquor.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Thank you contacting dial-a-boner. Currently, our boner is on a run to service another client. You can either wait 2 hours for service, or share concurrent service with the current client.
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
Randomize
