You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
Martha Stewart would most definitely roll a great joint.
Just discovered Kim Possible porn. Life is now complete.
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
If you wake up tomorrow and start to wonder.... Yes you did just eat mild sauce from taco bell out of the package while informatively yelling about the loss of my virginity
He said "I can't wait for you to feel me inside of you so I can tell you gently that you're mine" and left me a 4 minute voice mail of him crying after I told him I didn't want to be with him. 30 year olds are off limits.
I want to preface this by saying nothing happened, nothing is on fire. It is mere speculation. Do we have a fire extinguisher?
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
dude you know how i got totally hammered and lost my phone at some frat when i came to visit you two months ago? yeah well someone mailed it back to me in minnesota.. with a picture of a cock as the screen savor
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
