I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
i take joy in having bigger boobs than others
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
It's total crap. On a side note I watched a porn of 4 guys wrestling in chocolate then messing around with each other. It was like a dream come true
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
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