I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
she's basically destroyed all of the faith i had that skinny blond girls could be a functioning part of society.
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
we just finished a porn and sex toy shopping spree. this is the fun part of "being serious"
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I feel like emojis are just meant for explaining sex without using words to make anyone uncomfortable. It's a true gift
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
Randomize
