This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
Well we were just driving down the street, there was a realtor and a couple walking up the porch of a house for sale, mark sticks his head out, opens his mouth to say something, pukes all down the side of the car, pauses, and yells "THIS IS A PHENOMAL NEIGHBORHOOD YOURE GONNA LOVE IT"
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
I have a calendar reminder for world domination today, you wouldn't happen to know anything about that would you?
Brb crying the tears of my youth
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
You had me at "let me see your balls"
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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