her vagina looked like bernie madoff
Uh, also, Rob told me he felt bad for choking you.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
oh my god. separately texting an Allie and an Ally while drunk is hard, and I'm climbed 1/2 way up a bridge pier.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
Do you remember lying across two tables saying 'go away I'm trying to pull' to me, Sollie and Sean?
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
He wanted me to do the rubix cube. He thought it was hot.
Randomize
