Who was that couple sleeping in your bed with us last night?
I don't think of it as I'm taking a pole dancing class...its more like I'm making myself recession proof
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
location: under the moon. please find me. need ride home.
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