His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Why is your vibrator in the fridge?
I'm testing sex in Alaska before I go there.
15 year-old stoners have those problems. we're college students dude. dont be like that...
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
I shaved my pussy for you. If you complain about a single hair that I missed again, you will be greeted by a bush the next time you go down on me and i will MAKE YOU KEEP GOING
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I smoked some weird shit and I think I peed on my phone.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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