who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
Is 10AM too early for pizza and Dr. Pepper?
Only if 5PM is too early to be drunk. And when has that ever stopped us?
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