and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
it was like she was tryin to eat my face and i was defending myself with my mouth
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I feel like I've been hit by a truck, flew up and landed on a fence post that went straight through my vagina. No more vodka and sex for a while.
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I JUST FARTED SO LOUD AND HARD I IMMEDIATELY TASTED IT
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
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