I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
It was like a spaceship landed and 1000s of hipsters filled up the park
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
Randomize
