just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
can u get pink eye on your cock?
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
My clit ring got caught in his beard. Never. Again.
I also like to call Halloween "Mystery Fuck Day"
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
He told me that he's proud of our abnormalcy as a couple. I think it's the most romantic thing he's ever said.
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
Randomize
