Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
having my hair in braids makes puking so easy. i am being an indian every halloween
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Dude, you need to come and get her. She's sitting on the bathroom floor making hearts with her menstrual blood. And remind me never to let her do jello shots again
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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