2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
hi i'm bored and kind of... in a sort of dirty mood
pics
no i'm at a mixer dressed up as the teenage mutant ninja turtles
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
He seems to have a lot of things figured out and most of the answers involve bourbon
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
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