It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Dipping chips in queso and thinking of your beautiful face
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
It got weird I got a phone call while looking at porn and the video started playing while on the phone full on porn audio.
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
Randomize
