I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
Dude she has starbursts in her sports bra. I feel like this is counter productive.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
I am not even close to finishing violently masturbating over that video.
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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