someone is gonna have my baby tonight. they just dont know it yet
I'll alert the authorities
If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
Gotta get new sheets. ..I fucked the satin off mine.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
