Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
but his dog just died...ill send him an edible arrangement or a 6 pack or something
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I can't tell if this is a hangover or just a perfect combination of shame and regret
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
