you were stealing lawn gnomes and punching cars. I'm not surprised you got arrested.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
We are such grown women, dealing with life's problems one shower beer and reckless makeout session at a time.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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