He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
It's like the water temple from zelda. but with more tits.
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
Randomize
