Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
