it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
230 lb girl across the train from me is giving a dude in a kilt a handjob while he sits in her lap
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
enjoying your night?
do dogs like to salsa?
I dont know if that answers my question or not
Randomize
