The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Randomize
