I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
We decided to have a girls night of four lokos, three of us cried and the other puked
I feel like I shouldn't be doing my banking stoned. But I bought a new bowl. Her name is Sharpe. Pronounced Shar-Pay.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Based on my body hair location, my ancestors had very cold hamstrings and very warm chests
Come by so you can take a pregnancy test with me. It's like my monthly ritual!
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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