How can something that makes you feel so good one day make you feel so bad the next?
Alcohol?
Sex with a fat chick.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Her sex list was a LOT longer than mine. She tried to justify it by saying '4 of those don't count because they were in the gang bang'.
Found my smoke alarm in a ziploc in my toilet...again
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I will call him whatever I please, including flaccid dick on forehead guy but not limited to watermelon cunt head.
Could have had sex with an ex NFL kicker last night.
That would've been embarrassing.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
Randomize
