i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
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I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
He called me at two in the morning to tell me he was throwing the tiny Thor hammer at moving vehicles. Apparently he missed the guy on the motorcycle.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
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sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
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