the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
I wonder how many times I can be hungover in one day
Turns out I wasn't throwing up blood, I just threw up so hard it ripped my tonsils. Thank you Jameson.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
i woke up to something itchy on my head. it was his mustache. he fell asleep face-plant style on the side of my head. WTF?
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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