My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
I wrote a list of all my homework due in the next few weeks. I feel I've done enough for tonight.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
There was a trampoline and tequila. It was glorious.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
Just spent 10 minutes washing away my own puke. This gas station lady loves me.
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
This was the first funeral I've ever attended where I had to pee behind a bush cuz someone was passed-out drunk in the locked bathroom. Steve would have been proud.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
I mean his penis was perfect in pictures but its even more perfect inside me
Do dollar stores sell vibrators?
Randomize
