That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
Currently in a meeting. i am playing the not throw up game. god i hope i dont lose.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
afterward, he apologized, hugged me, and then gave me a granola bar and said “this is my apology gift.”
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I fucked some frat guy. Then I found my brother after and made him take his shirt off and then I made him tell me he loves me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
i know were having a "heart to heart" right now, but does it make you feel uncomfortable that im sexting someone right now?
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
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