Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
We made the pizza boy do Jell-o shots with us. He didn't even deliver to our house, we just called him over from the neighbors
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I can hear my parents having sex. I REPEAT. I CAN HEAR MY PARENTS HAVING SEX! THIS IS NOT A DRILL!
Your mom is 55 and has MS. To be honest, I'm proud of her, and you should be too, bitch.
Any time you can't remember a night, and you wake up in a sorority house, it's fucking worth it.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
I just had a 30-minute convo with an irrelevant fuckboy from college who decided to tell me FOUR years later he’s sorry for sleeping with 3 girls at once including me.
my roommates gone so i can take codeine and sleep naked
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
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