When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Some guy dressed like Santa just handed me a bottle of tequila. I NEVER WANT TO LEAVE CANCUN
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
RE-DICK-YOU-LUSSSSS
That's me emphasizing the ridiculous
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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