Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
shit is crazy. i just keep thinking that this kid growing inside Emily used to live in my balls.
i just practiced my bj skills on a banana in front of the mirror
its going to be a good night
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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