whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize
