Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
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