Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
His room was full of guns. It was like having sex with Clint Eastwood.
I have a ginormous moral hangover. Strip club blues.
Puked in my laptop case in the middle of my nutrition class.
Of all the things I am low enough to do, how could you even doubt if that was one of them?
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
