Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
I WANT BLOOD. HERS. I WILL DYE A FABULOUS PAIR OF SUEDE PUMPS RED WITH HER BLOOD.
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
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