Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
i wish i could swallow nair and shit it out and it would get rid of all my ass hair.
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I need all the beers. I want to be holding on to the grass so I don't fall off the earth drunk.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Randomize
