Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
All three roommates are gay and in women's studies. Ive already been informed that all penetration is rape. This is not the college experience I signed up for.
YOU'RE FORCING ME TO BLOW A GUY BY NOT ANSWERING MY CALLS
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I JUST HAD TO SNORT THE REST OF MY BAG OF COKE BECAUSE THE BAG RIPPED IN THE WORK BATHROOM.
I'm guessing you feel amazing due to all the caps?
LETS GET THIS SHIT DONE. IM GONNA GET THIS SHIT DONE, FOREVER.
I just want to feed you taquitos and play with your boner and live happily ever after
Randomize
