literally had 100 drinks last night.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Still trying to figure out where I was when someone broke the lawn chair and put it in the bathroom.
Please don't call my dad a fuckpuppet, I feel like that would be awkward to explain later.
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
My sister and her gf showed up at my door with no pants on at 4 AM talking claiming its hot.
Randomize
