if i'm ever as drunk as the girl in front of me... kill me.
bl l w
this should be fun to decipher. I'd like to buy a vowel.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
And it just wouldn't be a Thursday night without me having to cuss out a foreigner. The streak continues.
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
I feel like "stop licking my face" isn't something that needs to be repeated twice
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
I don't understand how these people can do extreme gymnastics and I have problems walking up the stairs.
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
Our Tuesday night drunk Irish step dancing was on point tonight.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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