ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
its safe to say i can delete the contact in my phone "brandon random bus make out" from spring break right?
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Alright dude i'm gonna go to go sleep off this soberness. my life is a cosmic joke
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Boobs are out for the taking
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I left after he drunkenly went into the kitchen and started to make eggs with a shitload of garlic. First time I'd ever had a makeout session interrupted by eggs.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
