Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
a search helicopter?!
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
She sent me nudes via email. What the fuck are we still in the 90s? Grow up
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
