Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
it's like iHOP with fire
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
I need a hobby that doesnt involve alcohol and my tv
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
I drink way too much to have a type. Last weekend I picked up a guy who calls me "baby girl"
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Apparently after awhile self preservation trumps libido. This is new news to me.
apparently putting your t-shirt on your head with a bottle of captain and telling girls your the pirate king of tallahassee doesn't work
First roommate to find me and dance with me will live. Battle Royale.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
i am currently wearing a bowl of frosting on my head. i do not regret any of my life choices leading to this moment
Randomize
