i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
it's ok. you also told me I can feel free to vomit on your blow dryer sometime.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Just had a flashback to Friday. Definitely had my hands in someone's bra. Definitely wasn't mine.
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
We just had a contest for who has less of a gag reflex...I am sad to admit that my mother won.
Randomize
