You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
my phone needs a breathalizer
I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
I should not be allowed to be in possession of a fifth and a phone at the same time.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
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