I just ate an adderall and jelly sandwich in front of my mom. Homework time!
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
They were so slutty we had to play "rarely have I ever."
I've been here 20 minutes and some creepy old man told me he wanted to know what my insides felt like. I hate gay bars.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
