WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
The thing is that despite the high paying career and the increased responsibility, my life hasn't changed that much. Only instead of blacking out on $2 wells at some dive I blackout on top shelf martinis in a suit. Oh and only on Fri & Sat nights. Being 30 doesn't suck as bad as everyone led me to believe.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I threw my shoes out of frustration and walked home barefoot... can you help me find my shoes in the morning
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
