I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I fucking love my neighbors. I offered him chocolate and somehow it turned into a sexual proposition.
sex on the stairs. not our finest idea.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
He's like all my past boyfriends wrapped up into one fuck up. It's enjoyable to watch.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
Randomize