dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
this place is dumb. no one understands my Sunday morning alcoholism here.
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
