Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.
I've honestly never felt so much emotion towards a wall
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
