I just woke up to a lawnchair covered in lipstick. I'm wearing red lipstick. What happened and is the tequila?
I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I woke up to somebody tossing my salad... I should have drank more
I was passed out on the couch, she literally cut my boxers off with a 8" chef's knife and had her way with me.
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
Blacked-in to me, shirtless, giving myself finger guns in the mirror and rapping "stacks in the club stacks stacks in the club."
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Randomize
