You want to go to a white party at LAX
Clubs are lame especially themed ones. Im not in a fucking episode of laguna beach
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
It was kind of like hidden Mickey ears, but with dicks.
Randomize
