careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
You were sitting at the bus stop holding hands with some Polish girl you just met, who was just as drunk as you were, and you kept trying to light your Kit Kat and smoke it.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
hr gave me pretxwk salad and a doubke shot of grey goose. i approve! tou guys are a beautidil couple.
I just tipped the cab driver with pistachio nuts. And he loved it.
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Why was there a 1000 piece puzzle covered in hot sauce being cooked in the microwave?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
Then you're three pancakes deep in regret.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Apparently walking into a national conference and proclaiming "i'm here to fuck shit up" is frowned upon.
Who knew?
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