I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I think I should become a real estate agent in th friend zone I know the place so well
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
you were walking down the sidewalk and just puked. didnt even stop or slow down and just kept going. i was so impressed i didnt even tell anyone you threw up on passing peoples shoes.
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
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