dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
Seriously, in what other class can the final major discussion be what bar you're going to with your prof?
A worker across the alley is wearing your sombrero sans cat barf.
I want him to be the Hulk to my Brooke Hogan this Halloween. Can I ask him to be my daddy this weekend?
Only if you say it like that.
I need to beat up a magician now. BRB.
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
This question may sound intrusive, but how did pushing out a baby affect your vagina?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
Randomize
