...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
and then he started using my ass as a stressball
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I'm not into beards but apparently my vagina is.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
I have never in my life been turned down for sex until this weekend.
Welcome to my everyday.
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
Randomize
