You don't need id to drink rum in an alley.
I don't wanna hook up with anyone from minnesota
everybody there reminds me of mashed potatoes... white and lumpy
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
the kid throwing up and laying face down on the deck just asked ME if I'M okay...
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
You left your underwear in a sandwich bag on my kitchen counter.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
Randomize
