I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I was thinking about the biological process causing me to puke while I was puking. THAT'S how much I'd been studying.
I may have had several rum punches and then gone to the store and used European cucumbers to prove my baton twirling prowess.
i have pictures frm only 4 hours ago that will fucking ruin you so i suggest yuo come get me.
Where are you?
dunno. ask mike. bring pain killers. and underwear. and my dignity.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
