You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
I woke up to a paper award certificate for best blow job and he was gone. You're welcome mystey man.
She came in to my room half naked at 3am asking me if I had seen the movie balls deep 7
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
My friend asked me if I got home okay and I replied "Glad teat. Goodnight." Usually I can translate drunk me, but I'm even lost on that one.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
Randomize
