I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
we're ranked number 5 for having the most pot in the country for a university school. idk if i should feel worried or just plain blessed.
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
He's just giving off this "someone be a bitch to me" vibe
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
He walked into the pizza shop... Pulled the fire alarm.. And proceeded to dance to it...
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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