is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
whatcha doing?
lying in bed pretending to be a slug
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
