I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
her sex was completely horrible but her weed was great. imma ask her out again
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Let's go get coffee and handcuffs.
One public bathroom does not equal a wedding vow
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
Randomize
