I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
