Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I'm surrounded by dudes and fupa's! No hot chicks...wtf!?
Medical industry, most hot chicks dont want to deal with blood + shit
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
does drinking everclear count as brushing your teeth? because i think they are sterilized
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
No he exists. Who else tells me no matter how drunk I am to pull out. He's watching over me so my bastard doesn't get created.
Who was the person who brought the rooster when they won @ beer pong
i want us to warm up up with us making out while i lay you down touching and feeling all the spots you know are going to get you warmed up. im gonna move down your body kissing every inch as i move down past your panty line ;)
Did you watch the carolina game tonight?
I nicknamed her "Jackhammer" for the way she gave me a handjob. My balls were in constant pain
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
