I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
so after morning sex, she rolled a joint and turned on sports center
you might have found the rare bro goddess. i thought they were myth
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I'm currently braless eating the balls of the penis cake and drinking warm champagne. I'm 3 cats away from crazy at this point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear to god if you did anything to my honey bunches ill remove all the oats and shove them up your dickhole then play pinata with my foot to knock them all back out
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
Probably shouldn't be looking at memes at my grandmother's funeral
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