yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
My parents just told me that if I stop drinking I could do something great with my life...
They obliviously haven't seen you dance on top of a pool table then
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
long story short, the bouquet was used as a sacrificial torch
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
I did not marry a roomba.
Randomize
